My Stoic Journey

How Stoicism Changed My Life

Image courtesy of dailystoic.com

By Ronald Michael Quijano

It is hard to be an atheist. Yes, it is enlightening; it is also a great platform to bestow your ideas and reason concerning common beliefs and traditions. However great your knowledge is regarding those matters, you must be backed up by wisdom. I was aggressive in my atheism view last 2018, I politicize the classroom with my biased notion, always engaged in continuous exhortation with extreme sophism. I was heavily influenced by the great atheism figures such as Richard Dawkins, Lawrence Krauss, and Christopher Hitchens. Heavily influenced by their ability to deliver homiletic speeches, I too practiced such. Fascinated by their way of offending religion, and justifying that offending someone will trigger intellectual colloquy, I too practiced such doings by continuously ridiculing religious beliefs. I did not see that engaging in such practice would debilitate understanding and effective communication. I did not also see that knowledge alone isn’t enough, I took philosophy for granted and did not understand the real purpose of philosophy.

I started teaching at the age of 19. Always frustrated by the flaws and deficiencies of my students. I usually vent my anger whenever I see necessary, or sometimes whenever I feel I have to. I am always complaining about everything that went wrong; small or big, I always nag. I also spend a lot of time doing things that aren’t helpful, always after things that will kill time. Play computer games, binge on movies, feasting, and drinking alcohol – worst, with my students. I also became a prisoner of desire, engaged in an embarrassing situation due to deciding compulsively based on emotion and appetite. I don’t even know whether I am happy or not – I just know that I smile to the world, but I don’t think smile always equals happiness. Pleasure doesn’t always equal satisfaction. Then, 2019 arrived, my second year of teaching the subject of Philosophy. I prepared so much that I even read a lot of books, watch numerous documentaries, and spent thousands of hours listening to podcasts related to the subject. Then one podcast stands out, and it completely changed my outlook in life and truly understands the meaning of philosophy. The name of the podcast is Philosophize This by Stephen West. Throughout listening to the show, one terminology caught my attention hard – STOICISM. So, to have a little more insight I googled it to retrodict the word to myself.

Stoic - noun

1. a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.

2. a member of the ancient philosophical school of Stoicism.

I was confused, led me into thinking that such a practice is absurd. I have in mind that there is no way a person cannot vent or show emotion while undergoing hardship or pain. Then, I refused to dig in deeper. But, it kept on being mentioned wherever source I go. Then a book by the great Roman emperor accentuates in my sources – The Meditations. I started reading it and kept my eyes on it for hours and hours. In the book, Marcus Aurelius also kept on mentioning the name, Seneca, and Epictetus. After searching such names – I feel that I’m in it. Stoicism has me. I was agonistic in consuming more from stoicism. An Ignis Fatuus principle then now seems achievable. I wouldn’t want to spoil everything about stoicism, I have to leave the rest to the readers. But what I want to discuss are the life lessons stoicism teaches me that completely revolutionized my way of thinking, and most importantly, the lessons that made me genuinely happy. These lessons, I think are contemporary and useful in our time – where desire overpowers nature, and emotion overpowers reason.

1. AMOR FATI – Love of Fate and the Dichotomy of Control

Philosophy knows no fate or destiny. It is one of the most discussed topics between hard determinism and libertarian free will. However, for stoicism, fate has a different context. It is whatever that is served on our table that we do not have control over. These are the things that are happening to us that which we cannot control, or which we are not responsible. We tend to suffer more when we encounter bad things. Most people are telling you that It’s gonna be okay or Everything happens for a reason. They are trying to comfort you and give you hope. But those will only make things worse. Hope is lifting you higher and higher for a much worse fall. You don’t usually shout at things when they went bad – only when you least expect it. You don’t shout at heavy rains, earthquakes, and every natural phenomenon because you happened to understand that these are all-natural and have nothing to do with you. Bad drivers, wrong answers from students, being late, canceled flights, and even canceled appointments, are the things that make you frustrated and angry because you don’t expect it to happen. But why wouldn’t you expect such things? It is part of life – losing someone you love, betrayal, losing your job, breakups, inconsiderate colleagues, and even bad drivers. But keep in mind that these are survivable and if things went really bad and you end up dying – there’s simply nothing to worry about. I have written an essay regarding death that I think would be helpful for you if you check it out - Inevitable Death. The famous ancient stoic Epictetus stated in his Discourses, – “The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control”. It is really helpful for us to be less frustrated, anxious, and angry when we know which are the things we have control and which are the things we don’t have control. Take for example; I usually encounter bad drivers on my daily ride. Before, I compulsively shout at them because it feels so good to vent anger especially when you know that you are right. But now, I see no reason to vent such unhelpful emotion. I asked myself – Almost every day you encounter bad drivers, why don’t you expect to encounter them again any day? You don’t have control over bad drivers, but you have control over your way of responding to them. Shouting, being anxious, or being frustrated at things doesn’t help at all, you’ll only hurt yourself and leaving your mind corrupted, and unhealthy. The job of emotion is to help us feel, not to decide for us, leave that alone to our reason. What need is there to be angry with the things you cannot change? Aren’t you are the one who is suffering more? Marcus Aurelius' words on this are "Not merely to bear what is necessary... but love it".

2. WHEREVER YOU ARE, BE THERE.

Epictetus is an ancient stoic, also a slave. But being a slave doesn’t stop him from becoming the best version of a slave he can be. Complaining about being a slave doesn’t make life easy, it gives additional burden to whatever life has offered you. The same goes for another stoic named Marcus Aurelius. He was a Roman Emperor, and capable of having luxurious and expensive leisure in a snap of a finger. Women, foods, liquors, and everything. Despite having power, as a stoic, he controls his desires and emotions and have nothing in mind but be the best emperor he can be. The story of Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus helped me a lot in my stoic journey. One having less and one having more does not affect such ambition to become a better person wherever you are. When in bus or train, be the best commuter you could possibly be. When in school studying, be the best student you can be. When wronged, give the best response you can. And when living your life, be the best version of yourself. The same goes when we worry so much about the future and dwell ourselves in the past. For stoic, there’s no such thing as past and future, there is only the NOW. Observe yourselves, we constantly jumping forward and backward in the thoughts of the past – usually in a form of regrets - and the thoughts of the future – usually in a form of worries. But in reality, past and future don’t exist. We must stop ourselves from constantly being occupied by worry, anxiety, and fear. You cannot control the future and you cannot change the past. There is only the NOW in which you have the opportunity to do something, to act, and to live. Focusing on the now helps me to live in the moment not worrying so much about my future, and accepting my past from the lessons it has brought to me. Deal only with the future once it arrives. Do you want to strategically plan your future? It’s okay, but constantly worrying about it won’t do you help. You can only plan to a certain degree, after that, you need to deal with whatever life throws at you. We have so many what-ifs in life. What if I lose my job? What if my house caught on fire? What if I am not accepted in the job I applied for? What if I got cancer? If you have that kind of practice, no wonder you are stressed. The future is nothing but an idea and expectation. You can plan so much but not in all variables. Marcus Aurelius said that “Remember that neither the future nor the past pains thee, but only the present”. The past and the present only exist in your mind in the NOW. The same goes for the past. Cherishing a beautiful moment is okay. Learning from your past mistakes is okay. But reliving past and constantly having regret is never okay. You can’t change it anyway, so why keep replaying it in your mind? Mike Tyson said, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth”. My Birthday this year was a hell of a comedy. My girlfriend and I planned to visit The Planetarium and three National Museums – Fine arts, Anthropology, and Natural History. It’s the best way for me to celebrate my birthday, unfortunately, it didn’t go as planned. I was asked to report in my Job for an urgent meeting. We can’t help but feel disappointed. But we didn't let disappointment consume the day which is supposed to be happy. What else can we do? but live the rest of the day with grateful hearts.

3. EMOTIONAL MATURITY

Our society is to be considered as immature adults. We have so much knowledge at hand that we forget to develop ourselves into becoming a better person. We let our emotions to be on the driver’s seat and drive our lives compulsively. We are swayed into letting our emotions drive us that our capacity to reason enfeebles. Alain de Botton in his School of Life teaches me the following guide to emotional maturity.

a. The Capacity to Explain

When our emotion talks, we either make unattainable promises or hurtful points. These things weaken our relationships with our loved ones, or with the people surrounding us. We get to give additional burden to ourselves and to them. We need to develop the feature ourselves where we can discuss and explain to the people who wronged us why we are upset. We need to be able to find the proper words and explain to them openly.

b. The Capacity to Stay Calm

There is no need to shout immediately. We must remember the importance of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt and not venting undue force. There are times that we immediately becoming aggressive and wanted to bestow violence whenever we feel our pride is being stepped on. Nevertheless, what kind of pride are we protecting if we can’t even maintain composure and control on ourselves? What pride is there to protect. Punching someone doesn’t make you a courageous person. Not acting is an act of cowardice, while an aggressive and compulsive act is an act of recklessness. Both extremes are needed to be avoided. Another point is when we see something bad in social media that we immediately let our judgment be honed by our existing prejudices. That is one immediate way of corrupting our minds, by not letting our capacity to reason be used.

c. The Capacity to be Vulnerable

We must make peace to the idea that being close to someone open ourselves in being hurt. Friends, lovers, and relatives are the foundations of our characters. We must not hold ourselves in spending more time with them because we are afraid to be hurt when we lose them. It is okay to feel, it is okay to sorrow, it is okay to be happy, and it is okay to love. What’s wrong is that we dwell on the idea of their permanence. What makes something temporary is the reason why we value them with our hearts.

4. MEMENTO MORI

No matter what, we're still gonna die. You don't want to let yourself suffer the burden of insignificant means. You do not want yourself stuck in a situation that you could have processed and escaped. Remember not to waste your time on things that merely an experience for your mind to be cultivated. In our society, we've been conditioned to think that the more money you have the more successful you are. Our society endorsed us in a world where success is monetary. You know that society is corrupted when you hear the words - "Remember the smartest kid in our class? I am wealthier than him now. Intelligence doesn't always get you money". Indeed, but intelligence helps you acquire peace of mind, cultivate deeper understanding, and commit better judgment. Constantly reminding ourselves that one day we are going to die helps us having humility and stop us from dwelling on materialism. You might misunderstand the concept of reminding ourselves memento mori, the core purpose is not to keep you stuck in a constant worry but for you to understand and accept that no amount of material things will matter when you are face to face with death. When you are having troubles, hit rock bottom, lose your job, your partner broke up with you, you lost belongings, or your loved one dies, keep in mind that ONE DAY, YOU'RE GONNA DIE, so you better stop concerning yourself over things that have nothing to do but to frustrate and stress you. You need to see that it's not worth spending your time over those matters, instead, dust off yourself, get back to your feet, and live your life. There are a lot of things you can still do. Remembering memento mori when you become successful, promoted, won a lottery, get married, graduated from college, went to your dream school, acquired a lot of money, become famous, or had the girl of your dreams, remember that none of it will matter once you are facing death. Remember that no amount of honor, pride, fame, and wealth will ever give you the eternity you want. You might say "At least I got to experience things", so that's your end goal? To feel satisfaction and become happy? Remember that being virtuous will also give you happiness absolutely, but not all kinds of happiness are virtuous. Be humble, spend your time in the world in developing yourself into becoming a better person. 

Philosophy has allowed us to live our lives virtuously, to help us understand the life we are living, and to value people, and mostly ourselves. Epictetus said in his Discourses, “Philosophy does not claim to get a person's external possessions. To do so would be beyond its field. As wood is to the carpenter, bronze to the sculptor, so our own lives are the proper material in the art of living”. Its goal is to help us solve the problems of life practically. To help us manage our reason, emotion, and desire. To help us understand humanity, and led it to prosperity and progress. Cultivate your mind, it is the only thing you get to keep, forever. And by being virtuous, only then you will realize that on a small amount satisfy our nature.